Tone and trope spoilers ahead, but nothing too specific.
Oh look, it’s another terrifying fic with mental tags. Is this even a surprise anymore?
Actually, it probably is because this is a new fandom for me. So if you’re new here, hi. In some parts, I’m known as that guy what wrote that really messed up Thor fic that got popular entirely for creating wank. Or that guy what wrote that other really messed up Thor fic with terrifying tags (which one? Take your pick at this point. This has definitely become my brand).
I write ugly stories about uncomfortable things, and boy oh boy, has Taskmaster really burrowed deep into that part of my brain that wants to pick this sort of thing apart. Of course, I always run into a problem with these fics when it comes to tagging, even (it turns out) when I am totally in control over the tag system. This is probably the worst one yet on that front, because I have literally no idea what to tag it. In some aspects, I feel as though I’ve massively under-tagged it, because I simply don’t even know if there are names for half the tropes I’m playing with. In other aspects, I’ve definitely over-tagged. The dubcon aspect is especially over-tagged under an abundance of caution, simply because it’s a vague concept that carries a lot of disagreement. Out of caution, I like to put the non-con warning on as well, but at least since this isn’t on AO3 anymore there’s no more confusion with the way they conflate non-con with rape by default (I’ve always hated that decision because of the way it muddles up kink vs trauma). Overall, I tried to keep the tags to the overarching themes, rather than trying to hit every single minutiae that comes with the broader tropes. And there is a lot of minutiae to explore in this thing.
In this fic, the consent is extremely dubious and occasionally under duress, but it’s also wholly separate from some of the other expectations that may come with this warning. Similarly, the violence warning is there separate from the non-con one, and plays more into the “unsafe, insane, and dubiously consensual” tag. The violence warning is there to cover the aspects of the BDSM element that permeates this entire ship, particularly with Greg’s frequent threats of bodily harm in mind. Those threats are not going to be entirely empty, because I want Alex to have a reason to take them seriously. At the same time, there is some level of consent to all of it, but the lines are blurred and I do love an unreliable narrator. And I am going to say right up front, the narrator is unreliable. This story is told through the lens of someone who is, I’m not going to say broken, but not quite right. Unsafe and insane are the key words here, and that applies to both of them. There are a lot of really good fics in this fandom that do it properly, and this is not one of them. There are no safewords, and Alex barely has a way out of this situation, if he even wanted it. One of my favourite bits of banter between them are the contradictory gags of “you’re here for life” and “I can replace you by lunchtime.” Which one is it, Greg? Or is it both? Is he replaceable, but on the condition of something unspeakable? What are you going to do to him if and when you finally get bored with him? It is delightfully fucked up, and the fact that I’m sure neither of them have ever spared a second of thought toward it is what makes it so much fun for me.
In many ways, this fic is going to be a balls to the wall ride of insanity, but at the same time it’s likely to not quite go in the direction the warnings might make it seem like. The freeforms are as accurate as I was able to get them without having the words to really articulate a lot of what’s going on. But at the very basis, this is going to be a story about someone who has got into a situation he can’t get out of, whether for lack of viable options or because of his own psychosexual damage. There are two separate stories being told in this fic, juxtaposed against one another in varying cadence and rhythm, and trying to tag for both of those stories at the same time was a nightmare. There’s a certain degree of consensual non-consent in one story, and a complete breakdown of core functions in the other. And that’s what I most wanted to play with here. In this fictional universe they’ve created with their stage dynamic, there’s definitely something sinister going on. Although it’s played for laughs, I wanted to strip that comedic element and play it completely straight. I wanted to dig my fingers in and pull it apart at the seams to see what would make this sort of twisted dynamic work. I wanted to find those dark corners and shine a light on them to see all the worms and spiders living there. And to do that I needed to take it to all the extremes necessary to get these characters to a point where Alex wouldn’t even think to defend himself against having his face smeared in his own piss. I had to really lean on that unhinged comic book villain energy to get Greg to a point where locking Alex in a cupboard as punishment is the least worst thing he could choose to do.
At the heart of my tagging issues with this fic is the story that’s set in the flashback sequences. I have no idea how to succinctly describe the vibe I am going for here, or the story being told. This story, which I don’t want to call the B story, but it’s also not the A story, it ultimately about privilege. There’s the obvious power imbalance that comes with playing the Lord Davies gag straight, with a sort of sinister Downton Abbey twist in that Greg is very much in a position of power that could wholly and completely end Alex’s career prospects with a single bad reference. Alex is naturally going to want to appease that just for the sake of the pay cheque and the reference. But it’s also about the position of privilege Alex enjoys. There’s an overall atmosphere of foreboding and discomfort that would make many people pack up and run for their own safety, pay cheque and reference be damned. But Alex is an uncommonly tall, straight, white, able-bodied man. These are instincts he very likely would never have learned to even recognise, much less act upon. He’s awkward and uncomfortable as his default setting, so not being able to pick apart what makes this discomfort different from what he may have experienced in the past winds up being his own downfall. By the time he realises this, it’s too late, and now he’s in hell.
I’ve got this whole fic sitting in Aeon, waiting to be typed up into proper drafts. I don’t know how to tag it, but I tried to be as accurate as possible. But there are two different stories happening at the same time and the tags make it seem even worse than it is, but it’s still definitely going to be bad, but maybe just not in the way you expect it to be.
Basically, take everything at face value, but don’t expect everything to be relevant to the same part of the story.
Addendum:
These notes were originally posted in February 2023, when this fic was posted to AO3. I’ve slightly edited out references to this fic being being posted there, since it’s been pulled from there along with everything else. But also, this fic got massively sidelined in March, along with several other projects I had going at the time. The reason it got pulled from AO3 is separate to it getting sidelined. The quick version for pulling it from AO3 is that I disagree with the way the site is run, and the abuse from certain demographics of the userbase aren’t being handled properly, so I quit.
If you followed me on Tumblr or my newsletter at that time, you’re probably aware of what happened on a more personal level. If you didn’t follow me then, the quick version there is that my neighbour shot up my apartment and it turns out that having bullets go into your home really fucks you up and stops you being able to write for a while.
Since I’m reposting it here, I’ll be taking the opportunity to tidy some things up and bring some aspects into line with new lore that’s dropped in recent series. I’ll post chapters every Thursday. It’s not going out to the newsletter, because well. It’s not exactly newsletter material, let’s be real. Even without being RPF-adjacent, this fic is insane. I’ll announce it on Tumblr every now and then, but that’s about it.
And since I’ve been doing this with other fics I’ve been posting, I’ve made a playlist for you, with the music I listen to while working on the fic. This one was made today, because a lot of the music I was listening to the first time round was either on vinyl, or on smaller playlists that I consolidated into one big one for easier linking. I’ll probably add to this over the course of working on this fic in the coming months, so don’t be surprised if it gets even bigger than it already is.