Loki didn’t expect Thor to fetch him the following morning, and didn’t get out of bed because of it. Images of the previous day were still burned in his memory, of a terrified and screaming woman being held down by the hands of a monster. His hands, blue and marked. He could still see his cock inside her, swollen and deformed so neither of them could escape.
Sickeningly, he thought Odin had known that would happen. Why else would he have released his spell and allowed Loki control over which form he took? Which meant Odin must have known Loki would not be able to control himself. Otherwise, Loki knew he never would have stopped. He would have raped that woman repeatedly, again and again until he collapsed of exhaustion. With Odin’s magic lifted, once Loki’s cock had swollen and spilled, he had gone completely numb to not only her scent, but her body. As horrible as it must have been to be tied to him for hours, at least it had not been hours spent screaming because he would not stop.
But did Odin truly know that when Loki did finally lose control, he would wind up tied to his victim not for a few minutes, but for hours? Was the entire idea to allow Loki to so thoroughly traumatise someone to ensure he was caught in the act? It must have been. Otherwise, there was no telling what Loki might have been able to get away with. Had the whole thing only lasted minutes, Loki could have left Midgard and been back in his chambers before Thor even noticed him absent. And the thought made Loki sick.
He had been so careful. So deliberate. What he had done to Freyja was unforgivable, and he had been stopped. He had sworn that he would be able to remove himself from any dangerous situations, and instead he had deliberately sought one out. He had held that girl down as she screamed, the sound still echoing in his ears. He could have apologised to her a million more times, but it changed nothing. She had been sacrificed to a monster, and she would give birth to a monster that would grow up to rape every woman in that village.
Loki studied the lines on his flesh, expecting to find they were sensitive somehow. Every freckle and mark on his flesh was exactly where he expected it to be, only now in a blue so deep it was almost black. They didn’t look like the hands of a monster. They were still his, just in the wrong colour. But they were the hands of a monster, because he was a monster. A horrible monster that did unforgivable things.
When his chamber door open, Loki looked up to find Thor carrying a large basket. He set it down on Loki’s desk and turned, scowling deeply at Loki.
“Take it and get dressed,” he said.
Loki could not believe he was still allowed to leave his chambers. He had thought for certain Thor would have only omitted the worst details. But if Loki was still allowed out, then it was clear he had told Odin nothing. He got slowly to his feet and moved to his desk to fetch his potion. If his dick behaved differently in his true form, Loki wondered if the potion might work differently as well. As he inhaled it, it burned like it never had before, drawing a stifled cry from him. Trying to breathe through his mouth to recover, he looked up at Thor. But if he was expecting to find any sympathy at all, he was sorely disappointed. Thor continued to level his sour glare at Loki, even as he pointed at the basket he’d brought with him.
“What about these?” he asked.
Loki sniffed harshly, trying to work the potion through his sinuses as much as possible.
“This one,” he said, lifting a bottle from the basket, “prevents me from acting on any urge at all, and the other one puts me in a coma.”
He replaced the bottle and turned to get dressed.
“And given that you’re here, I’m assuming I’m wanted somewhere, making either of those a poor choice for the moment.”
Thor grumbled, and Loki ignored him. He dressed and disguised himself, and let Thor drag him by the arm through the palace. He only learned after that Odin hadn’t any work at all for him, and was instead dragged around to all of Thor’s appointments. While Loki’s tasks were usually diplomatic in nature, Thor’s were a more hands on. He had to sit around watching Thor training in the ring, or helping to break horses for mount. With so much going on around him, Loki wasn’t willing to take any chances. Every time he found his mind even starting to wander, he renewed his potion. When Thor was finally done for the day, Loki expected to be returned to his chambers, as usual. Instead, Thor seemed reluctant to allow him to be alone for any longer than necessary, and dragged him to banquet instead. With so much of Eir’s potion up his nose, Loki could barely breathe clearly, much less enjoy anything in front of him, but that wasn’t the worst part of being dragged over to the table.
It was their friends.
The friends Thor must have surely lied to.
Loki expected Thor’s critical glare mirrored on their faces, but instead he was met with the same cautious wariness he had been met with the day previous.
“I didn’t know throwing stones was so tiring,” Fandral said as Loki got settled amongst them.
“You have no idea,” Loki said.
He didn’t need to pry any further. He could guess Thor’s story already, that he had gone back home to rest.
Beside him, Thor piled food onto a plate, and dropped it in front of Loki.
“Eat,” he said stiffly.
Sighing, Loki looked down at it. A moment later, Thor put a cup of ale in front of him as well. He was starving. He hadn’t eaten in two days, but everything before him may as well have been made of stone for all it was appetising. Hoping he was hungry enough to get past it all, he tore off a small piece of meat and tried it. Smaller pieces were better, at least, though still not great. It was as though his body wanted to reject it for not knowing what it was. As he chewed, Loki realised he actually did not know what it was. He thought it might be goat, but he was nowhere even close to certain about it.
“What’s the matter?” Volstagg asked, watching him pick at his plate. “Lost your appetite for food as well as fighting?”
Loki snorted. “I’m surprised you know what it looks like,” he said.
The others laughed, and for some reason, that surprised him. He didn’t want to be there at all, but he didn’t dare try to rush Thor along either. His entire future hinged on Thor agreeing to lie for him, and Thor could change his mind about it at any moment. So he choked on food his body didn’t want, and let Thor take all the time he wanted. It quickly became clear that Thor’s intent was to keep Loki up long enough so the only thing he wanted to do upon returning to his chambers was go to sleep. But he had other work to do, and it wasn’t going to get done watching his brother drunk himself into a stupor.
Finally, as Loki worried he might fall asleep right there at the table, Thor stood. Not even waiting for Loki to get himself orientated, Thor pulled him to his feet and began dragging him back through the palace. If it was Thor’s plan to bore Loki to exhaustion, it had worked. He had never been so tired from a day of doing nothing. As they reached his chambers, Loki stopped at the door to face Thor.
“If tomorrow is to be a repeat of today, I would much rather spend it in isolation,” he said.
Thor nodded. “Have it your way,” he said.
Thor closed the door between them, leaving Loki to his own thoughts. Despite the audits piled on his desk, Loki ignored it all and collapsed onto his bed.
He woke the next morning, uncertain whether to expect Thor. When, after an hour of lounging in bed, Thor did not appear, Loki assumed that meant he had the day to himself. He cleaned himself up and dressed for the day, called for a rare breakfast. Having to go through his days on Thor’s schedule meant it had been months since he’d eaten more than one meal, and he had dearly missed spending his mornings going over his audits in bed with a bowl of fruit and fried eggs and bread. Once he was finished with his meal, he used his potion and moved over to his desk. He had been neglecting his personal studies, having no time for any of it. His days had been so packed full of distractions to keep his mind away from his own prick that the things he enjoyed being distracted by had taken a back seat.
With his attention buried in journals and grimoires, that rising itch wasn’t something he wanted to entertain. The decision to block it out before it became a problem was easier when spending an hour rutting in bed would get in the way of his fun, rather than a distraction from dull tedium.
It was a full week before Thor finally came to fetch him again, and Loki was almost disappointed for it. It had been a full week without ruining pillows, and the crushing shame that followed. A full week where his prick did not occupy the majority of his thoughts. A full week of being able to enjoy meals, and sleep when he wanted.
So of course Thor had to ruin it by wanting to drag him through the palace.
“You look different,” Thor said as he watched Loki drag himself out of bed to get ready.
“Yes, about that,” he said, realising that taking his potion meant he wouldn’t get breakfast. “As much as I enjoy watching all my friends eat until they burst and drink themselves stupid, I would prefer to eat alone. I do have other work, and I can’t get it done if I’m kept out all hours of the night.”
Thor grumbled, but nodded. “You’re right,” he said. “It’s better that way.”
Loki agreed, though perhaps not for the same reasons. Nodding, he began to dress.
“What am I doing today?” he asked.
“Hearing requests,” Thor said.
Loki would have preferred to be locked in an empty room, but he said nothing. He dressed and let himself be led through the palace in an iron grip, resigned to being treated like a criminal. If anything, he deserved it, because he was a criminal. Even if his full list of deeds was known only between the two of them, Loki knew it would all get out eventually, so he might as well get used to it.
He got through the requests with such speed that he was left waiting in the throne room for hours before Thor finally arrived. Thor had given him his evenings, which was more than Loki had hoped. He wasn’t even going to try to get his shortcut back. But he intended to eat a meal and enjoy it, so he had not used his potion again. As he rose to his feet, Thor looked him over with a critical frown and took him by the arm so hard, Loki thought it might bruise. He tried to squirm away, but Thor only held tighter.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” Thor said.
“What am I doing?” asked Loki.
Thor led him toward the corridor, pulling him along with alarming speed. “I know you’ve not used your drug. And I know what you do when you return to your chambers.”
The worst part was that Loki wasn’t looking forward to it. He had enjoyed being able to spend his evenings in peace, but those days were gone. Despite their speed, Loki still caught a scent in the air, and it was clear Thor had noticed. His grip tightened further, and his speed increased. When they reached Loki’s chambers, Thor shoved him inside, leaving him alone without a single parting word.
Loki shed his topcoat and boots on the way to his bed, hands trembling and knees weak. He hated this. He hated that he knew exactly how to arrange his bedding so he could get the best pleasure from mounting it. He hated that he knew exactly how to use his hand to provide better pressure. He hated that he now knew that the reason he always felt as though his cock might burst open was because it was trying to. As he unlaced his breeches and climbed into bed, Loki let his disguise drop. If he was going to make a mess of himself, it might as well have been worth it.
He arranged everything and mounted it, and was almost furious to find it better this way. He pressed his cock against the pillow between his thighs, feeling the way it slid beneath him as he rutted and whimpered into a pile of linen and furs. He wrapped his free arm around another pillow, exactly as he had the girl in the village, pretending he was holding her close against him. It still wasn’t good enough, and still he wanted more. He needed more. He had caught that scent as they walked through the corridor, but it had faded. It wasn’t the girl’s cunt that had made him spill, but her scent and her taste. And without that, he was missing half the equation.
Still, he could feel his cock swelling beneath his hand, growing larger and harder by the second. Soon, it no longer dragged across the linen, providing friction. The entire pillow moved with him, and it was as though he had hit a wall. It wasn’t enough, and with his face buried in blankets, he screamed in frustration. He tried using his hand, wrapping his fingers around the shaft and rutting into it, but the skin on his cock was tight and taut. It couldn’t glide freely over the shaft as it usually did, and he could feel that the tip was totally exposed. He focused on that, holding his fingers in a loose ring and working just the sensitive tip.
Still, his lust only grew, never reaching that crest. Rutting and grunting into his bedding, Loki worried that now that he knew the real thing, he would never find satisfaction on his own. His cock grew and grew until it hurt, and he wept as despite everything, he could not force himself to stop. He rutted harder and harder, faster and faster, using his fingers and his palm in every way he could imagine. His body ached, and his throat grew raw, and still he needed more. Still he could not stop. His cock had grown so large that it pressed into him, hard and painful and unmoving no matter how much he moved. He muffled cries and screams, and for some reason he thought of the girl beneath him, screaming as he filled her. The sound rang in his ears, and consumed him with horror as he finally spilled. He continued to rut through his spend, not slowing for a moment even as he wept from knowing why he had finally found release.
When he finally managed to roll onto his back, his face was hot and wet. He tried to wipe his tears away with his hands, but it seemed they would never stop. He was truly a monster, and he would never understood why Thor had agreed to lie for him. He didn’t deserve it. He deserved to be locked in a cage, destined for the axe.
As he calmed down, he realised he had a new problem. His cock was painfully large, and he knew already that he would not be able to put on a disguise with it in this state. He looked down at it, finding it worse than he had ever imagined. The base of his cock had formed a knot twice the size of his fist, with small ridges running along the length on either side. He let his head fall back onto the bed as he struggled to breathe, overwhelmed by the sight of it. He wasn’t sure which was worse; that his cock had become so deformed, or the thought of what that poor woman had to endure for hours on end. That grotesque knot was what had tied them together. She had to lay there for hours, unable to move with that inside of her, while he lay beside her worried about himself.
Loki was surprised he hadn’t killed her.
He heard the door to the corridor open, and realised he had taken longer than usual. Thor had been in the habit of giving him an hour between dropping him off and sending his supper. Sore and exhausted, Loki scrambled to cover himself, but the blankets were all tangled beneath him, and he could not move quickly enough.
“Leave it!” he shouted.
He expected the servant to leave his meal elsewhere. Instead, his bedchamber door opened, and Loki thought he might die of shame on the spot. Worse, instead of a servant, Thor had chosen to deliver his meal personally. He stood by the door, plain disgust written across his face. Thor slowly shook his head and put the tray down on Loki’s desk, not for a moment looking away.
Loki could see him coming to the same realisation he had, seeing him laid out bare and hard, his cock still dripping slowly. He knew he should cover himself, but Thor had seen him as he truly was, and there was nothing left to hide.
“You’re a pig, Loki,” Thor said finally.
“I know,” Loki said, barely able to put any breath behind the words.
He stared up at the ceiling, part of him hoping Thor might put him out of his misery on principle. Rather than ending Loki’s life, Thor picked up a large book from his desk and hurled it at him so quickly, Loki barely had time to duck away. Again, he tried to cover himself, but Thor was quicker there too. He stepped forward and yanked a spill-soaked blanket out from beneath him and threw it on to of Loki. Only then did Loki dare to sit up, looking away to avoid meeting Thor in the eye.
“I defended you,” Thor shouted. “I lied for you! I denied rumours and gossip because I believed you were better than that!”
Loki huffed and tried once again to wipe his face dry. “Sorry to disappoint.”
Thor threw another book, striking Loki in the side of the face with it. He flinched away a moment too late, and wished Thor would get it over with. Shifting to sit up better, and to rearrange the blanket over his strained and aching cock, he turned to face Thor.
“This is what you’ve let yourself become?” Thor asked.
“I don’t like it either,” Loki said.
“You would have raped Freyja with that?” Thor asked, practically spitting with every word.
“No, actually. I didn’t know about that until Midgard,” Loki said.
Thor threw another book at him, again catching Loki in the side of the face as he flinched away.
“And the servant in the library?” Thor asked.
Loki shook his head. “I didn’t touch her, I swear.”
Shaking his head, Thor turned his back to Loki. With no more books on his desk, Loki thought he might be looking for something else to throw, but he stayed where he was.
“So, what?” Thor asked, leaning heavily against Loki’s desk. “This is what you do each night? Rut against your blankets and make a mess of everything until you pass out? All because you’re too fussy to use the potions you’re given.”
Loki shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt anyone,” he said.
Thor turned back toward him, taking a long stride closer.
“No,” he said. “But if I come in here once more, and I see that,” he pointed to the tent between Loki’s thighs, “I will make sure you never use it again. It’s not hurting anyone now, but we both know it will.”
Loki nodded, not for the first time wondering if maybe he shouldn’t just get it over with.
“You’re sick, Loki,” Thor said, turning toward the door again. “And I fear you are beyond help.”
He strode out, boots stomping loudly across the stone floor. Loki waited until he heard the door slam before daring to get up to fetch the meal he had been brought. The single shred of positivity in the whole disgusting ordeal was that with his cock swollen and deformed, his body seemed to think he was locked inside a cunt. Even though he could smell someone’s heat on the evening air, he failed to stir in response. He was able to eat his meal and complete his work in relative peace, aside from the fact that his cock was rock hard and aching between his thighs and refusing to get out of the way as it continued to make a mess.