His routine was simple. Each morning, Loki woke and donned his disguise so he would not have to see his own flesh. He inhaled Eir’s disgusting potion, and went with Thor to perform whatever task Odin had assigned him for the day. Slowly, he was allowed other tasks beyond hearing requests, but none that were any more enjoyable. Then he would wait under guard for Thor to finish his own tasks, and return to his chambers for dinner, walking the shadows so he could enjoy his dinner and complete his usual work.
Some evenings, the wind was kind, and Loki enjoyed an evening with no distractions. Most evenings, Loki had just enough time to finish his work before rutting against his pillows to exhaustion. The worst nights were those when he had to drug himself to sleep, because not even exhaustion would let him stop.
Loki had a simple choice, and he chose the option that gave him a modicum of pleasure in the evenings. He could at least enjoy a meal and a cup of wine, if nothing else. It hardly mattered while he was trembling and heaving against his own bedding, trying to convince himself that the mass beneath him was some faceless, nameless person.
There was, of course, a third option. He could simply leave; cast himself into exile and avoid every other living being for the rest of his life. It was an option he’d considered, but it seemed that at he preferred to rut against his pillows each night like a disobedient dog.
And then, the worst happened. A scent he thought he was learning to recognise was heavy on the wind, and he had forgotten that he had run out of both draughts Eir had provided. He needed only make those few steps to his desk to fetch the potion he had left there, but he had stained and soiled his pillow three times and still could not force himself to stop. He wept silently as he rutted against his own slick and sticky mess. His hand wasn’t enough. His pillows weren’t enough. He was no longer able to convince himself that he was in bed with a partner. His cock knew he spilled onto linen, and would continue to torture him until it was buried deep inside someone.
He no longer even had seed to spill, and still his cock craved more. Still that scent hung heavily on the wind, driving him to madness.
It was the first night his body gave out before his feral lust. He fell asleep, still rutting against his pillows, his cock hard and demanding. He woke late the next morning, naked atop a tangled mess of bedding and pillows and covered in his own filth, while his cock still craved more. His disguise had fallen, exposing the monster he truly was. He was so disgusted with himself and his behaviour he didn’t even bother to hide himself. Letting his natural form show, perhaps to punish himself, he inhaled Eir’s potion and went to go bathe. Even with the potion dulling his senses, it seemed to take ages for him to calm down and for his cock to finally soften and behave itself. Loki was halfway through cleaning himself before he realised it was closer to afternoon than it was morning, and Thor had not yet come to fetch him.
Then, Loki realised Thor likely had come to fetch him, and found him in such a shameful state that he had just left Loki behind for the day, imprisoned in his own chambers. And it was all he deserved after that.
But as he dressed himself, in preparation for a day spent locked in his cage, he was surprised when he heard the door to the corridor open. Loki quickly disguised himself and turned to see Thor entering his bedchamber.
“You’re up. Good,” he said.
That alone was confirmation that he had been in to fetch Loki earlier. Unsure what to say, and barely able to even look at Thor, he nodded.
“I’m up,” he said.
“We’re going to Midgard. You should come,” Thor said. He looked around Loki’s chambers, pretending he didn’t see the disgusting mess on the bed. “Getting out would do you some good.”
“I’m not sure that’s allowed,” Loki said.
“Father never said you couldn’t go anywhere. Just that you can’t go without a chaperone,” Thor said.
Slowly, Loki nodded. He had barely been allowed beyond a small area within the palace. Midgard seemed at once like a huge undertaking, and a welcome relief.
“Let me get dressed,” he said.
Doing his best to avoid looking at his mess, Loki dressed quickly, finding something simple that wouldn’t call too much unwanted attention. He even skipped his topcoat, though a trip to Midgard did require some ornamentation. He settled on a horned diadem, slipping it on as he turned to join Thor.
“I haven’t seen you in your horns in months,” Thor said as they walked to the stables.
“I haven’t needed them,” Loki said.
As they reached the stables, it became clear that the entire trip had been pre-arranged. Loki’s horse was already tacked and dressed, and with an exhausted sigh in Thor’s direction, Loki mounted it.
“I told you, it’ll be good for you,” he said.
Loki ignored the wary glances from the rest of their group, and found he couldn’t even look at Sif directly as they prepared to head out. He always hated taking horses along the Bifröst, and knew that one day he’d be thrown from it and hurled into the void. But he wasn’t thrown from the Bifröst, and he wasn’t hurled into the void. They landed safely on Midgard, and Loki quickly got his horse under control.
“All right. We’re on Midgard. Now what?” Loki asked.
“Trolls,” Volstagg said.
Loki was surprised to even get an answer.
“What about them?” he asked.
“I’ve heard there’s a village being plagued by them, and Trolls are always a good fight,” Volstagg said.
Loki was far too tired to fight trolls, but he could always sit on the sidelines and hurl stones if he needed to. He was fairly certain Thor had not devised this trip to get Loki to perform manual labour. Still, he followed Volstagg’s lead through the realm, curious if nothing else to see where the day went.
The ride to the village was a short one, and as they reached the edge of it, Loki realised this was the largest crowd he had been near in months. As the humans noticed their approach, they began to gather near the road, and suddenly Loki wasn’t so sure about this trip. Humans were always fertile. It was a feature of being so short lived. A single human woman could produce more children than an Asgardian could over an entire lifetime. But Loki had taken Eir’s potion, and it was still fresh in his system as they reached the village, and Loki did not find himself wanting to do anything stupid at all. He dismounted his horse with the rest of their group and walked alongside Thor into the village to meet the jarl.
“We hear you have a troll problem,” Thor said.
The jarl looked up at the pair of them with fear in his eyes. Not just fear for the trolls, but for the gods who had come to help. He nodded finally, hands clasped at his chest.
“Yes. Please, help us,” he said. “There’s a whole den of them. They eat our animals and destroy our houses.”
Just looking around, Loki could see that much was evident. While some houses showed signs of being freshly built or repaired, others resembled piles of fire starter.
“Where is this troll den?” Thor asked. “I assure you, these trolls will trouble you no further.”
The jarl pointed off toward the north.
“Just beyond the ridge, there,” he said.
Thor turned to see the ridge in question and nodded.
“Leave it with us,” he said.
He mounted his horse again, and the rest soon followed. As a party, they rode out to the ridge, stopping at its rounded crest. Below, on the other side, they could see the troll den, full of bones and shit and everything they had taken from the villagers.
Thor laughed quietly, and turned to Loki.
“Well. Shall we?” he asked.
“I thought I might stay up here and throw stones,” Loki said. “No promises on who I might strike.”
Thor did not hide his disappointment well, but he did not argue either.
“Just try not to hit me, then,” he said.
Loki stayed on his horse while the rest rode down the slope into the valley below. The sound of hoofbeats soon alerted the trolls, and more of them than Loki expected crawled out of their caves. A dozen, at least, all snarling and slobbering as they ran to attack. Leaning against the back of his horse’s neck, Loki watched the battle take shape, as the other five all swung hammers and blades at the dreadful creatures.
While Loki may have been no better than a dog, trolls were somehow worse. They weren’t like animals. They were foul beasts, rooting about in their own shit. And with as many of them as there were, with more still crawling from holes in the ground, he had quite the show in front of him. It was clear that it was not quite the easy battle Thor and Volstagg had been expecting, but they also weren’t so overrun that Loki felt guilty about sitting it out. Nor did he feel terribly guilty about laughing as Thor was slapped out of the air, or Volstagg sat upon, face down in the muck. Loki even kept his word and dismounted his horse long enough to hurl a few stones down into the fray.
As he climbed back onto his horse, Loki picked up a familiar scent on the wind, rolling up the ridge from the village, and suddenly all his enjoyment of the day evaporated. He reached for the potion, but he had forgotten to tuck it away, and could not remember where in his chambers he had left it. Looking behind him at the village below, Loki weighed his options. The smart thing to do was to call Heimdall and return home. To let himself be dragged back to his chambers by a pair of over-zealous guards.
But once he caught that scent, Loki was anything but smart. He knew he shouldn’t, but still he turned around and rode back down the slope toward the village. By the time he thought to turn around, it was too late. He was no longer operating under his own power. It wasn’t just one woman whose scent he had picked up, but half the damn village, and it was intoxicating. As he reached the village and dismounted, still unsure what he was even doing, the jarl rushed forward to meet him.
“Tell me. How fares it?” he asked.
Loki just barely managed to force himself to stay still.
“It seems you have more of a troll infestation,” he said, his voice wavering against the effort to make himself look like he was in his right mind. “And in his haste to leave, my brother never discussed payment.”
The jarl nodded. “Yes, of course.” He turned to face the growing crowd behind him, and the shattered village beyond. “Unfortunately, we haven’t much to offer.”
“You have women,” Loki said.
He could see the fear rising in those who were close enough to overhear. Even the jarl himself turned back, wide eyed as he nodded slowly.
“Yes. Of course,” he said, stepping aside.
He looked again to the crowd, gesturing weakly. Taking the invitation for what it was, Loki stepped forward, struggling with everything he had to keep his calm. He felt like he would explode, and it only grew worse as he inhaled deeply, the scent so overwhelming that it easily got past Eir’s potion.
Loki should have turned away. He should have called Heimdall and taken his punishment. Instead, he stopped before a young woman who could not even face him. It was her scent that stood out the most to him in that moment, and if he took any longer to make his choice, he might have right there in front of everyone.
“You,” he said.
She looked up at him, inhaling sharply. Without waiting for her to acknowledge his demand, he took her by the arm and walked her to the nearest house. Once inside, he let go of her, and watched as she rushed to get as far from him as possible.
“Please,” she said, shaking her head.
This was madness, and yet Loki could not stop himself from unlacing his breeches. This time, nobody would be able to stop him, and although the thought horrified him to his core, he still freed his cock, hard and aching. He had taken Midgardian women before, but never like this. Never when they looked at him with such terror, and still despite it, he pulled his tunic off and cast it aside. He wanted to feel her flesh against his. He wanted something living and responsive beneath him, and he wanted his entire body to know it too.
Loki had stalled as long as he was able, and even as he stepped quickly toward the terrified woman, he hated himself. Even before he laid his hands on her, he knew he’d never forgive himself. Even as he dragged her across the floor and threw her down onto the bed as she fought and screamed, he knew he deserved whatever punishment Odin would throw at him for this. Still, he got into the bed with her, wrestling her onto her knees and pulling her skirts up to bare her cunt and ass. He could feel his magic fading from the effort it had taken him to resist so far, and he let it go. He let his true self show, his hands blue against her fair skin as he forced her out of her gown to bare her body completely.
She cried as he forced himself inside her cunt, but he didn’t hear it because he was too busy shouting from relief he thought he’d never know. He held her down with his body, caging her with his arms as he had done so many times to his bedding. As he draped his body against hers, feeling her trembling and struggling beneath him, he breathed in her scent. Even buried inside her, he needed more, and he had never hated himself more. He held her tight against his body, one arm wrapped around her waist, and the other across her chest, holding onto her shoulder so she stayed right where he needed her.
“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling their bodies together. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
She cried and screamed, and he knew the entire village stood outside listening. She seemed to grow tighter around his cock by the moment, until Loki too shouted as he was consumed by his need for her body. He held her even more tightly, squeezing her in his arms as her scent overwhelmed him. She was fertile, and his only purpose in life was to plant his seed inside her.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated.
He licked trail along her back, able to taste not just the salt of her skin, but something else. The same thing he could smell on her, but more potent. He licked it from her body, letting it go straight to his cock as he drove it deep into her so hard it interrupted her noises.
“I’m sorry,” he said he said against her skin, before licking her again. “I’m sorry.”
He said it over and over again, feeling as though he could barely move with her so tight around his cock. He felt as though his cock might be crushed by her, and still he rutted into her, harder and harder and harder, screaming with each thrust forward, and apologising with each attempt to back away. He finally spent so hard, it drew one final scream from him he saw white. His entire body trembled as he continued to rut through it, the added slick doing nothing to ease her tightness around him. She wailed and screamed beneath him, even as he collapsed on top of her, panting and still slowly rutting into her. He could feel her trembling, her entire body shaking so hard he could almost hear it. As his body finally stopped moving on its own, Loki realised what he had done. He tried to move off of her so he could flee, but she was still so tight around him that they both screamed in pain and in shock. He managed to pull his weight off of her, leaning back away just enough to see his cock buried in her cunt up to the hilt.
“I’m sorry,” he said, realising what he was looking at. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
He had behaved like a disobedient dog, and now he was tied to her like one. Seeing the swell of his cock, blue and not his at all his own, stretching her cunt open and still buried deep inside, he knew now why his hand was never good enough. He shuddered, so sick at the sight he thought he might vomit.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he said, trembling so hard he nearly collapsed again.
Not sure what else to do, he held onto her again and tried to roll so they were both on their sides, legs and hips twisted around one another so she didn’t pull against his cock. He didn’t even know the poor woman’s name, and didn’t dare ask as she wept and sobbed as he pressed her against his chest to get them both settled. He had seen dogs tied together, and knew all he could do was wait it out. Give himself ten or fifteen minutes before disappearing to never be seen again. He’d go find another realm to spend the rest of his days in, where he could never hurt anyone else.
“I’m sorry,” he said, lying down to wait it out.
Sorry didn’t cut it, and he knew it. But he said it anyway, again and again. He was a monster, and in a few months, she would give birth to another monster. There was no chance involved in it. He picked her because he knew she was fertile and would take his seed. And he deserved a lifetime in a cage for it.
Eventually, as her cries turned to low whimpers, Loki stopped apologising. As he watched shadows crawl across the walls, he realised his assumption was flawed. He wasn’t a dog. He was a monster. A monster, stuck inside of a terrified woman who couldn’t even flee after being raped. Ten minutes would have been a blessing, but Loki was cursed. He twisted his back, so both of his shoulders were nearly flat against the bed, with his hips and legs still tangled with hers, and covered his mouth with both hands to keep himself from screaming once more. As he took a moment to just think, he realised he was one again a larger fool than he had ever realised. Except when he tried to shift his form back, he couldn’t. Something was blocking it. He tried again, and again, but he already knew what had happened.
The magic had failed.
The potion had failed because Eir had mixed it to protect against a handful of women at most; not an entire village of humans who bred like rabbits. The potion had failed because he had forgotten to bring it with him. The potion had failed because Loki was a fool.
The magic had failed because his cock had swollen to an incomprehensible size, and the spell did not know how to put it back as it should have been. And because of it, he was stuck inside a woman who cried quietly beside him, her body still trembling from everything he had done to her.
He’d had options, and he had pursued none of them.
The guilt and the horror of his own actions crashed down on him, and even with his hands clasped over his mouth to keep himself silent, he wept. His throat closed tight, and his stomach heaved as he tried to keep himself silent, because he knew he had no right to indulge in self-pity. He could only watch as shadows and patches of light slowly moved across the walls and began to fade as the evening wore on. He had no idea how long he’d laid there with his cock still in the woman’s cunt, or how much longer he should expect, but some dark and dreadful feeling washed over him, telling him it could be hours and hours longer.
He heard the hoofbeats outside, but did not register them until Thor shouted his name. After a minor uproar from a small crowd, the door burst open with a loud crack, and even without being able to see him, Loki could feel Thor’s anger.
“Loki, where are you?” Thor shouted.
He stepped through the house, finally stopping just before the bed. Loki couldn’t even look at him. He screwed his eyes shut, resisting the urge to scream into his hands.
“Loki, what have you done?” Thor asked, his horror at the scene before him heavy in his voice.
Loki dared to look at him a moment too late. Thor grabbed the poor woman by the arm and tried to pull her up, drawing pained screams from both of them. He let go quickly, letting her fall back down to the bed. Trying to breathe through it, while the woman sobbed openly once more, Loki shifted to rearrange the two of them so the pressure of her cunt around his cock was as painless as was possible for both of them.
“I’m sorry,” he said, no longer sure who he was even apologising to.
“At least have some Bor-damned decency, you monster,” Thor said.
He picked up a blanket and draped it over the two of them, taking more care to cover up the woman than he did Loki. Loki figured that was fair, at least, and settle the blanket over himself once Thor stepped away.
“Loki, how could you?” Thor shouted.
Loki shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said, his throat still tight and his voice thick.
“This was my idea,” Thor said, turning to step away. “I convinced Father you could behave. I thought being locked up for so long was why you had…”
He waved his hand, but he didn’t need to finish the thought. Loki already knew Thor had walked in and seen him rutting against his pillows in his sleep.
“He doesn’t need to know,” Loki said.
“Of course he needs to know!” Thor shouted. “Loki, if I can’t turn my back on you for a few minutes, how can you be trusted to be left alone at all?”
Loki didn’t have an answer. He bit his lip and shook his head, not daring to let Thor see him cry.
“You said we were going to Midgard. You didn’t say we were heading for a village,” Loki said.
“And if Father never knows, then what?” Thor asked. “I don’t trust you. How can I? Look at you. You’re out of control.”
Loki shrugged. “It won’t happen again. I swear,” he said.
“Isn’t that what you told Father after you tried to rape Freyja?” Thor asked.
All the air left Loki’s lungs. That was the one detail he hadn’t told Thor. He turned away, unable to face Thor for a moment longer.
“How did you know?” he asked.
“When it got out what you are, she was the first to tell everyone,” Thor said. “She said you dragged her away and held her down, and when you were caught, your prick was already in your hand.”
Loki nodded slowly, unable to say anything.
“You’d be in the dungeons right now, waiting for the axe if you had been found even seconds later,” Thor said. “Father was lenient with you only because you had not managed it yet.”
He paused, as though he expected Loki to defend himself. But he had no defense. He had done exactly what Thor had said. He had pinned Freyja against a wall, and had every intention of raping her right there in the corridor.
“And now you’ve done this,” Thor said. “Was it worth it?”
Loki shook his head. “No,” he said.
“Look at you,” said Thor. “I had thought the rumours were overblown until I found you this morning. Then I knew they were true.”
Thor took a deep breath, and Loki could hear him stepping away.
“Now I find you like this, and I wonder what else you’ve managed to get away with.”
Loki took a deep, shuddering breath. “If I tell you, will you keep this from Father?” he asked.
Another silence spanned on between them, and for a moment, Loki thought Thor might not agree.
“It depends on what you tell me,” he said finally.
It was good enough. Loki nodded, but still couldn’t bring himself to face Thor.
“There was a servant. In the library,” Loki said.
“You raped her too?” Thor asked.
“No,” Loki said. “I wanted to. But I was too scared.”
“When was this?” Thor asked.
Loki took another deep breath, this one slightly more even. “A few days before Freyja. I was… I had myself in hand, and she found me.”
“Why was Freyja different?” Thor asked.
“I don’t know,” Loki said. He shook his head. “I truly don’t. I wish I did.”
He could hear Thor scraping around, and he rolled back over to see him grabbing a chair to sit beside the bed.
“What else?” Thor asked.
Loki shook his head. “That’s all. And… what you walked in on this morning. I’m surprised you didn’t catch me sooner. But I’d say that’s better than the alternative. Wouldn’t you?”
“Loki, you’re disgusting,” Thor said.
“I know,” Loki said quickly. “Believe me, I know.”
“Swear to me,” Thor said. “Swear to me, Loki, that this will not happen again. Be depraved as you want on your own, but if this happens again, I will swing the axe myself.”
“I swear,” Loki said. “Never again.”
Sighing, Thor leaned back in the chair and crossed his leg over his knee. Loki had thought Thor might leave him to this shame in private, but instead he stayed where he was. As the shadows gave way entirely to darkness, leaving them to sit in the pale glow of lanterns and fires from outside, Loki was struck with the distinct impression he was supposed to have slept through the whole ordeal. Hours had passed, and his cock showed no sign of returning to normal. But sleep was the last thing on his mind. Even though none of them said a word, Loki’s thoughts were spinning. He was fairly certain Thor had meant to keep this secret, but he had never actually said he would.
Finally, the pressure around his cock began to subside, but Loki didn’t dare test it. He knew the poor woman trapped with him could feel it too, and he said nothing as her whimpering returned.
“Loki?” Thor asked after a moment.
Loki stared up at the ceiling, his jaw clenched so hard his teeth hurt. “Give it a minute,” he said.
He remained still, even as his cock slowly shrunk. He didn’t dare move, in case he accidentally got himself going all over again. The woman he had traumatised lay stiff and rigid beside him, not daring to move either. But once his cock finally slid out of her on its own, she leapt to her feet, taking the blanket with her, and fled from the house wailing. Before he could do anything about it, Thor grabbed Loki and pulled him from the bed. He moved quickly, twisting Loki’s arm behind his back, and pinning him against the wall. His breeches were still tangled around his boots, leaving him exposed and bare as Thor pressed all his weight against him.
“If this happens again, I will kill you myself,” Thor said in his ear.
Thor stepped back, pulling Loki away from the wall and flinging him toward the floor. Loki tripped over his breeches and fell on his face, too disorientated and confused to break his own fall.
“Put yourself together. We’re going home,” Thor said.
Nodding, Loki slowly stood and pulled his breeches back up. Before he did anything else, he made sure his magic still worked, and was utterly unsurprised to find that now that he wasn’t stuck inside of some poor woman, he was able to change himself on the first try. His diadem had got lost at some point, and had fallen to the floor He put it back on, and then began his search for his discarded tunic.
“I am sorry,” he said, finding it under a table. “But you are right.”
“About what?” Thor asked.
Loki pulled his tunic on and carefully tucked it into his waistband.
“I’m out of control,” he said. “I don’t know who’s in control, but it’s not me. I don’t want this. I don’t like this. But I can’t stop myself. I see what I’m doing, and I want to stop, but I can’t.”
“Then perhaps we ought to rethink castration,” Thor said.
Loki stopped still.
“I swear. It will not happen again,” he said.
“How can I trust that, when you say you’re not even in control?” Thor asked.
Again, Loki didn’t have an answer. He made no effort to duck out of the way as Thor strode toward him, nor did he fight back as Thor grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside to a small crowd.
“This was an unfortunate misunderstanding,” Thor said, looking at the terrified humans. “If a word is spoken about this from anyone, I will know. And I will not be happy.”
Loki couldn’t believe Thor was actually going to lie for him.
“Come on, Loki,” Thor said lowly, dragging him toward the horses.
Thor at least let him take his mount on his own, but as he did, Thor tied Loki’s reins to his own saddle.
“What of the others?” Loki asked, watching him blankly.
“They’ll be there all night,” Thor said gruffly as he took his own mount. “But I had to leave early, because my brother decided he’d rather go rape a mortal.”
Loki bit his lip and looked down at the saddle before him. “Yeah,” he said. “I did.”
They rode back to the Bifröst site in silence, and said nothing to one another still as Thor led Loki back through the palace. At first, Thor had done him the dignity of letting him walk on his own, but Eir’s potion had long since worn off. As soon as he caught a scent in the air, he turned quickly to find its source, and at once Thor had a grip on his arm like a vise.
“Fair, but I don’t think I can even get it up right now,” Loki said lowly.
“Shut up,” Thor said.
Thor took Loki all the way to his bedchamber, which had been cleaned and tied, with all evidence of his previous night erased. Thor released him, shoving him across the floor as he did, and causing Loki to stumble.
“Could you at least take a message to Eir for me,” Loki asked as he turned to face Thor once more.
“Fine,” Thor said.
“I’m out of both draughts and I need more,” Loki said. “A decent supply of each, if possible.”
He didn’t even wait for Thor to respond before stepping over to his desk to save himself the misery of what was to come, and inhaled more of Eir’s potion. He’d go to bed hungry, and know that he at least deserved it.
“Does it truly help?” Thor asked.
Loki nodded, knowing he would never get used to taking the stuff.
“It all does. I swear,” he said. “And if I’d known where we were going, I’d have brought it with me.”
“Fine,” Thor said. “But I don’t care if it means your every meal is like sand. You use it. Even if you don’t think you need it, you had better spend the rest of your miserable life too drugged up to do anything.”
Again, Loki nodded. “I’ve run out, because I’ve been using it,” he said. “Believe me, life is so much worse without it.”
Growling lowly, Thor turned toward the door and left Loki alone.