Mostly worked on Ours to Keep this week, but also some other stuff

Mostly worked on Ours to Keep this week, but also some other stuff

Fic Updates

If you're still here, you're probably not squeamish.  If you are squeamish, I'd skip this chapter.  Loki has completely run out of chill by this point, and if he were still redeemable after chapter 4, I think that ship has long sailed.


In fact, this entire newsletter this week is depraved; both in the main body fic, and in the meme fills posted below.  Over on Norsekink, Loki has decided consent is for other people, and in Ours to Keep, Loki and Sylvie engage in some mild rapeplay. 


There isn't an ounce of safe or sane sex in this issue this week, and I apologise for nothing.

Starve to Death with Dignity #6

Chapters: 6/?
Fandom: Thor
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Violence
Pairings: Loki/Freyja, Loki/Sif, Loki/Fandral, Loki/Others
Characters: Loki, Thor, Freyja, Odin, Sif, Fandral

Summary: Loki doesn’t know what’s worse: the measures he has to take so he doesn’t rut himself to death, or the fact that rutting himself to death seems like an acceptable option.

Previous Chapters

Loki’s routine had turned sour, but it was the only way he could get through the day.  On days when Thor left him in isolation, Loki managed to get more work done than he could in a week otherwise.  Odin must have thought he was doing Loki a favour, letting him out of his chambers for the day.  But all it wound up accomplishing was locking him up elsewhere, without anything to occupy his time with.  Then, at the end of the day, Thor would drag him back to his chambers, and by the time the door was closed between them, Loki had lost all control of himself.  He rutted against his bedding, finding it more and more difficult to find relief from it.  The servants began leaving his meals in the antechamber, not daring to go any further at the sound of him grunting and howling with his dick between two pillows.  And he never dared do it in his true form.  Thor never walked in on him again, but it was too much of a risk.  Even though the magic that kept him hidden seemed to dull his senses and make release difficult, he whined and cried through it until he finally spent on his bedding.  Only then would he eat, and if he was lucky he would be able to finish his meal and use Eir’s potion before catching a new scent on the wind and starting all over again.

He hated every minute of it, and still he chose it over starving to death with his dignity in tact.

More than once, he woke tangled in his blankets with a spill-stained pillow between his thighs.  If he was lucky, he woke before Thor came to fetch him.  On the mornings Thor found him like that, he found himself being woken by his own boots striking him in the face, and Thor poised to throw something else.

And still, Thor refused to allow him to take his shortcut back to his chambers.  Still, Thor didn’t trust him to return.  Each evening, he dragged Loki back through the palace, keeping a tight grip on him until tossing him back through his door.  Each evening, Thor did the one thing that was guaranteed to make Loki lose his mind, as though he did not see the connection.  And each night, Loki shed his clothes on his way to his bedchamber and fucked his bedding until he was too exhausted to continue.

With the weather warming, the courtyards and gardens were being used well into the night.  Scents carried over the breeze, making Loki feral with lust.  It was such an easy fix, but he found himself unable to stop this horrid ritual.  He hated it, and he hated himself for it, but it was simply what he did now.

The scent in the air was so strong he could barely stay on his feet as Thor shoved him through the doors as always.  His entire body trembling with need, Loki shed his boots and topcoat before heading to his bedchamber, fearing he might burst if he didn’t make it in time.  But he froze as he opened the chamber door, horrified at the sight before him.  A servant was tidying up his desk, and for a moment the two of them stood in a frozen tableau.  While she looked at him with terror across her face, Loki could only breathe raggedly.

“My lord,” she said finally, her voice soft and choked.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Loki said, already knowing he’d lost.

The girl looked around, some dawning realisation coming over her.  “I’m sorry, I must be in the wrong place,” she said.

She cautiously stepped forward, but as she tried to side step Loki in the door, he reached out and grabbed her.  She fought him as he dragged her back to the desk, one hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming.  His mind screamed to let her go, even as he pinned her against the desk with his body.  He shook his head, unable to stop himself from unlacing his breeches.  He wanted to be sick as he let his disguise fall, revealing his true form.  And yet, he still wrestled her skirts up.  He still lined his prick up with her cunt.  He still pinned her against the desk and silenced her with his hand as he drove his cock into her.  She screamed muffled screams as she thrashed beneath him.  Loki leaned his weight against her, trying to breathe her in, but it wasn’t heat he smelled on her.  It was fear, and it was not what he wanted.  It was not what he needed.  Still, he fucked her, holding her on the desk beneath him and letting himself get lost in his lust, using the scent on the wind instead.  Her screams turned to muffled sobs as he rutted into her harder and faster, trying to drive his dick as far into her as he could manage.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” Loki said, wrapping one arm around her to hold her exactly where he needed her.  “You should have known better.”

He should have been able to control himself.  He should have been in a right enough mind to have removed himself.  Instead, he raped a servant in his own bedchamber, muffling her screams with his hand so none below would hear.

Without a strong scent to trigger the release, his cock was slow to respond.  Even with a body beneath him, he grew frustrated with his lust refusing to crest.  He leaned his head into the wind, trying to catch that scent again, but still it wasn’t strong enough.  It was barely better than rutting against his bedding.  He leaned his body over hers so he could bury a scream of his own against her neck.  It was never going to end, and he tried so hard to convince himself to just let her go.  It was still not too late.  She could flee, and escape the worst of it.  Instead, he held her tighter and screamed into her once more.  She went still beneath him, trembling and sobbing quietly, but he wanted her fighting back.  He wanted her moving against him.

His cock ached with need, even as he rutted into her.  His muscles ached from his relentless assault on her body, but he couldn’t stop.  This wasn’t pleasure.  It was need and frustration, and without the scent of her heat, he knew his cock would not swell and spill, and he would not be able to stop until he was locked inside her.  He lost all track of time, rutting mindlessly into her without result.  But if he couldn’t stop, he thought perhaps he could encourage a faster release even without her scent, and threw himself into her body, rattling and shaking everything on the desk.  Books fell from where they had been precariously stacked, and his draughts rattled and threatened to spill.  His draughts and potions, just an arm’s reach away could have stopped this.  He looked at them, knowing this was what they were for.  All he’d need to do was slow down and take one.  Any one.  He wouldn’t lock inside of her, and she could flee, and he could beg forgiveness later.

Then, he caught the scent on the breeze again, and finally he could feel his cock expanding.  Finally, he would get release.  The girl beneath him screamed into his hand again, and he knew it was too late to beg forgiveness.  He had already grown too big, and her cunt too tight around him, and now the worst was upon them.  They both screamed, her into Loki’s hand, and Loki against her neck as he finally spilled deep inside her, rutting through the very last of it until his legs collapsed beneath his own weight.  She came with him to the floor, still screaming and crying as he held her, muffling her noises, both of them trembling on the cold floor together.

Slowly, Loki’s mind began to clear.  He was a dead man.  Thor would find him, and he wouldn’t even wait for an executioner.  Panting, and holding onto the girl tightly so she didn’t try to flee and hurt them both, Loki tried to arrange them together so they could at least be somewhat comfortable.

“I’m sorry,” Loki said.  “You weren’t supposed to be in here.”

She sobbed against his hand, her tears soaking his skin.  Loki held her like that for a long time, until finally she wound down from exhaustion and shock.

“I’m going to remove my hand,” he said lowly.  “If you scream, someone will find us.  I will be killed, and then someone will have to figure out how to free you from a corpse.”

She whimpered quietly.

“Do you understand me?” Loki asked.  “It will be hours before we become unstuck.  You cannot make a sound if you do not wish to be stuck to a corpse.”

She nodded, still whimpering, and Loki slowly pulled his hand away.  He kept it close by, ready to muffle her again if she did anything foolish, but she only continued to whimper.  Unsure what to do now that they were on the floor, Loki looked around.  He couldn’t reach the bed, or anything on it, and though they were both clothed, he still felt uncomfortably exposed.  He managed to shift to put as much distance between them, both their bodies twisted and bent so they didn’t pull painfully against one another, and dared to look down at his cock buried inside her.  The knot had been bigger than he’d expected, and now it that knot that was what he was torturing yet another girl with.  All the distance he could put between them didn’t matter at all when he could only imagine the pain and terror she must have been going through.  The pain of being buried inside her was bad enough; she could have only been in agony.

“I’m truly sorry,” he said.  “But you were told not to come here.”

She sobbed quietly and shifted beside him, rolling her top so she rested on her chest.  With nothing else to do, Loki reached for one of the books that fell from the desk, shifted so he was in a similar position with his chest nearly level with the floor, and tried to pass the time as though he were not still raping a servant.  He may not have still been on top of her, but his cock was buried deep in her cunt, locking their bodies together so she couldn’t flee.  He may as well have held her against the floor and fucked her all through the night for all the difference it made.  It didn’t matter that he got no pleasure from this, his body and senses numb to both her body and the scent on the wind.  The deed had been done, but only in part.  He had spilled inside her, and now she couldn’t even flee to try to undo the damage.  There was always still a chance that his seed would take hold in her womb, and they would remain tied together on the floor until all of it had found its way there.

Suddenly, the girl pulled herself from the floor, getting only as far as getting to one knee before it became too much for both of them.  Loki grabbed her, wrapping both his arms around her and covering her mouth with his hand before she could scream, and barely managed muffle his own in her neck.  He fell back to the floor, holding her tightly against his chest and tried to breathe through the pain that ran straight through his dick and all the way up his spine.  He could feel her trembling against his grip, trying to scream and sob behind his hand.  Again she tried to get up, but Loki rolled on top of her, having to hitch her hips up to keep her from pulling against him as he pinned her to the floor.

“Stop,” Loki said, his voice strained from the pain and the effort.  “Be still and be quiet, or I will find a way to remove myself from a corpse.”

She stilled in his arms, still sobbing and trembling beneath him.  Slowly, Loki let go of her and rolled back onto the floor beside her, trying to find a way to be comfortable while also staying near enough to her to silence her again if needed.

“Do that again, and it will be the last thing you do,” he said.

She whimpered and nodded, but said nothing.  Finally confident she’d obey him, Loki tried to rub the ache in his cock, but it was buried deep in her cunt, well out of reach.  All he could do was breathe through it and try to get comfortable.

Time passed with both of them on the floor in their own states of distress, but neither said a word.  A silence hung over the chamber, broken only by her occasional whimpers, and Loki’s sharp breath every time he tried to move and pulled too hard on himself.  Loki didn’t know how long they had been on the floor, until the main door opened, drawing a sharp gasp from both of them.  Thor gave him an hour between dropping him off and sending him supper.  An hour to rut against his bedding and make a mess.

An hour spent raping a servant.

“Fuck,” Loki said quietly, looking up. 

Beside him, the servant gasped harshly and covered her mouth with both hands.  He could feel her trembling, and he shared her fear.

“Leave it there!” Loki shouted.

He could hear the footsteps stop, followed by the sound of a tray being set on a table.  Together, they both held their breath until the door closed again, and they were once again alone. 

“Ymir’s tits,” Loki said, collapsing onto the floor.

He could hear the girl begin to sob again beside him, but he did nothing to offer her comfort.  He knew he was the last person she would ever want comfort from, with his dick locked inside her, stretching her apart and plugging her cunt to keep his seed inside as it continued to drip.  Instead, he got himself settled again and resumed reading a journal he’d read a dozen times already.  He didn’t dare fall asleep like this, knowing that if he did, he’d wake up seconds before a hammer crushed his skull.  The only way he would survive would be to get the girl out of his chambers before Thor came to fetch him.  But that wasn’t something he had any control over.  They could be tied together all night and well into the morning, if previous experience was anything to go by.  Staying on the stone floor was painful and uncomfortable, but Loki had no idea how to even start moving them to the bed. 

“Please let me go,” the girl said as Loki shifted to get comfortable.

Huffing quietly, Loki shook his head.  “My dear, I would if I could,” he said.  “We are well and truly stuck, I’m afraid.”

He could only imagine what it must have been like for her.  His cock was meant to be buried in a tight space for hours.  Her cunt was never meant for this.  She was stuck to him, no doubt in pain as well as traumatised, while he read to pass the time.

Thor was right.  He was disgusting.  He was beyond disgusting, because even though he was stuck inside her, part of him was annoyed that the whole damn ordeal had been no better than his pillow.  He could have let her go, and been resting comfortably in bed.  Instead, he was on the hard floor, his hip burning from the pressure, and his back on fire from twisting up as he was.

The night wore on, and the courtyard below grew silent, and still his dick showed no sign of giving up.  Each time he felt it twitch, or spend once again, he cursed the damn thing.  But as long as the sky was still dark, he had hope.  Even though she had long gone silent, Loki could tell the girl was still awake, no doubt too terrified to fall asleep.

“Listen to me,” Loki said lowly, not sure who might be near enough to overhear.

She shifted slightly, which was good enough for him.

“You were told not to be here,” Loki said, knowing it did nothing to absolve him.  “You disobeyed an order, and that will not go unpunished.  What I have done to you will be seen as an expected outcome of your foolishness.  I have no idea what my father might do to you after.”

The girl whimpered quietly, which meant she understood the gravity of the situation.

“Don’t run.  Don’t make any noise,” Loki said, keeping his voice at a low growl.  “Once you’re able, get up quietly and put yourself together.  I will hide you so you will not be seen.  My brother will come to fetch me after sunrise.  After that, the guards outside my door will be cleared to leave their post for a few hours.  Only then should you leave.  Do it swiftly, but not make noise.”

She nodded, moving her hand to cover her mouth over renewed sobs that bubbled up.  Frankly, Loki wanted to join her.

“Do you understand me?” he asked.

She nodded again, her breath hitching and heaving.

“And the next time you’re given an order, obey it.  They aren’t given for a lark,” Loki said.

Disgusting didn’t even begin to cover it, but if he was going to survive this, she had to believe she was just as much at fault as he.  And with them stuck and twisted together in ever-rising pain and discomfort, Loki knew she would take his every word to heart.  Loki had already shown her what he was capable of, and he knew she would not risk a repeat.

The only kink in the works was his seed, plugged up inside her.  She wasn’t fertile, but that was far from enough of a guarantee.  Loki knew everything could go perfectly, and she could slip away without ever being noticed, and his head would only be on the chopping block in a year’s time when she gave birth to his bastard.

“Tomorrow, feign sickness,” Loki said.  “And then go to the market.  Do not go to a healer within the palace.  Do you understand?”

She nodded again.

“There are merchants of herbs and potions.  I will give you a sum of silver to buy whatever is needed to be certain that this ends here and now,” he said. 

“What potions?” she asked, her voice thin and shaky.

“How the hel should I know?” asked Loki.  “Tell them you got carried away with a boy.  Because if you implicate me, you will only damn yourself.”

“You should be in a cage with the other beasts,” the girl said, her voice rising slightly.

“I should,” Loki said.  “But I’m here on the floor with you, making sure you understand what to do to ensure you do not give birth to something else like me.”

She sniffed sharply, but Loki still didn’t think she fully understood.

“Because if you don’t do exactly as I say,” he said, speaking each word slowly and deliberately.  “If you pocket the silver I give you and my seed takes hold in your womb, your child will be snatched from your arms and killed before it can grow up to become a menace.  If you go to a palace healer, they will ask questions.  Either way, it will be known that you were somewhere you were not meant to be.  You were told this place is dangerous, and still you walked in without a single care.  How does that look for you?  I am a beast.  You entered my lair, and I did what beasts do.  Anyone would be forgiven for believing you intended for this to happen.”

His life was in the hands of a girl who was barely old enough to be on her own, clueless and naïve about the world.  He had already torn her innocence from her, and now he had to shatter her naïveté as well.

“You’ve already shown you can’t obey a simple order,” Loki said.  “Now tell me you understand the one I am giving you now.  Do not run.  Do not scream.  Call sick, and go to the market.”

She nodded.  “I didn’t mean for any of this,” she said.

Loki rolled his eyes.  “Tell me you understand.”

“I understand,” she said.  “I won’t scream.  I’ll go to the market.  I’ll buy a potion.”

Below, in the courtyard, a sudden burst of distant laughter rose up over the wind.  Beside him, the girl gasped and tensed, turning to face the source.  Not entirely trusting her, Loki moved quickly, pulling her close to his chest and covering her mouth with his hand.

“And if you return to this part of the palace again,” he said close to her ear, “don’t expect any differently of me.  I have a very nasty habit of repeating myself.”

She nodded against his hand, and he let her go.  She collapsed, cradling her head in her arms as she sobbed quietly.  Sick with himself, Loki tried to find a comfortable way to lie beside her, but his body screamed in agony no matter what he did.  It was easier to stay twisted up, letting his abused muscles stay locked up, and returned to his book.  Finally, as the suns began to rise, he could feel his cock beginning to relax and soften.  Sighing from the relief of it, he closed his book and set it aside, ready to reach out and grab the girl in case she did anything stupid.  He could feel her tensing beside him, but even as his cock finally fell out on its own, she stayed in the same spot on the floor.  Deciding that was probably the best, Loki slowly rose to his feet, grimacing through the sting of locked muscle and the snapping and popping of every joint in his body.

“Get up,” Loki said through his teeth as he pulled his breeches back up and tied them shut.

He turned to look out the window, amazed he still had time.  Standing by, he watched as the girl rose to her feet, whimpering and groaning quietly.  His body was meant to be built for this, and it was still agony.  Part of him was surprised either of his victims had survived it at all.  While she slowly put herself together, fixing her skirts and hair, Loki opened his desk and pulled out a coin purse.  He had no idea how much a potion for this particular problem would cost, so he pulled out five silver pieces, knowing it ought to be more than enough.  As he stepped close to the girl, he ignored the way she flinched away from him.  He held up the coins in his fingers, keeping them just far enough away from her to make it clear that they were not hers yet.

“If you so much as speak my name, I will make sure you regret it,” he said.

She nodded, clasping her fingers in front of her neck.

“It may be a while before my brother gets here,” Loki said. 

He reached out with his free hand and grabbed her by the jaw.  She flinched hard at his touch, but he held tight, not letting her go.

“He won’t see you, but he will hear if you make noise.  You must remain silent,” he said.

She nodded, and he tilted her face up to force her into a kiss.  Even as she fought against him, he held her tightly, making sure the working completed itself before finally letting her go.  She stumbled back, mouth agape as she struggled to breathe.

“It’s regrettable, but the best choice for this situation,” Loki said.  “This way the working fades on its own.”

He stepped close to her again and took her hand, holding it so her palm faced the ceiling.  Loki dropped the coins into her hand, and then closed her fingers around them, making sure she held them firmly.

“Get some rest,” he said, stepping to the side and nudging her toward the sofa on the other side of the room.

As soon as she was out of the way, Loki began messing up his bed, tossing blankets and pillows into a tangled mess.  Once he was satisfied, he looked around at the rest of the mess, but decided it only sold the scene further and began undressing.

“What are you doing?” the girl asked, watching from the sofa.

“It has to be believable,” Loki said. 

He tossed his boots and breeches aside, but decided to keep his tunic.  As he crawled into bed, his every muscle protested any position that wasn’t flat out on his back.  Figuring that’s how he’d wind up anyway, he found a comfortable spot and tangled a blanket between his legs.  At this point, Thor would have been more likely to question a scene in which Loki slept peacefully in his bed.  If Thor thought the reason he woke stiff and grouchy was because he’d spent all night rutting into a blanket, he’d assume nothing unusual had taken place.  The only hitch here was that his bedding was perfectly clean, and he prayed Thor would be too disgusted with him to notice.

Loki tried to pretend that he hadn’t just spent all night raping and intimating a servant, and that she wasn’t just mere steps away.  He tried to pretend he had spent all night failing to find satisfaction from his bedding.  He tried to ignore that he had got no more satisfaction from the girl than he would have otherwise, and he tried to pretend he wasn’t extremely bitter about it.  Thor had asked him before if the Midgardian woman was worth it, and Loki had said no.  He had said no because of the guilt, but there was something undeniably different about the two.  But maybe now that he knew there was a difference, he might find it easier to control himself next time.

Because Thor was right about that as well.  There had been a next time, and Loki had hurt someone again.  And there would be another next time, and Loki would go on to hurt someone else.  And he hated that he only seemed to truly realise this in the clarity that came after he did just that.

Somehow, he managed to fall asleep, twisted up in perfectly clean bedding.  He could have slept all day, but Thor liked to get an early start to his day, and it wasn’t long before he burst into Loki’s bedchamber.

“Wake up, you degenerate,” Thor said, throwing Loki’s boots at him.

Loki sat up and looked out the window, supremely annoyed to see that the angle of the sun had barely changed.

“Why do we always have to be on your schedule?” Loki asked.

“Because if we did things on your schedule, nothing would ever get done,” Thor said.

Loki dared to glance over to the girl on the sofa, praying she stayed quiet. 

“You have no idea what I’m able to get done on my own schedule,” Loki said.

Thor snorted.  “You would rut yourself to death if I didn’t drag you out of here.”

He picked up Loki’s breeches from the day before and threw them at him.

“Learn to do that with clothes on, because I’m sick of seeing that thing every morning,” Thor said.

Loki grumbled quietly and pulled his breeches on, opting not to change into anything fresh in order to hasten their departure.  The only days he ever seemed to bathe were the ones he spent locked in isolation, because Thor gave him no time in the mornings, and his cock gave him no time in the evenings.  He was already filthy.  Day old clothing wouldn’t make a single difference.

“You know, the funny thing is I never seem to feel the need to do it at all when I’ve been allowed breakfast,” Loki said, sitting up on his knees so he could lace himself up.

“You’re the one who insists on not eating,” Thor said.

“You know what I mean,” said Loki.

“I noticed you didn’t even eat your supper again,” Thor said.  “After all your complaining about wanting to eat alone, you still skip more meals than you eat.”

“Well, I was a bit busy,” Loki said.

Thor hurled a book at him, and as Loki flinched out of the way, he thought he heard the girl gasp. 

“It’s not a joke, Loki,” Thor said gravely.  “If you do not learn to control yourself, you will be controlled.”

Rolling his eyes, Loki made his way to his desk, glad to see his potions and draughts had somehow survived the night.  Once again starving from too many skipped meals, Loki bitterly used his potion.  As he inhaled and sniffed, he realised he was very likely in for yet another day without a meal at all if he didn’t make a sacrifice.  Hating that these were his only options, he made sure he’d have the potion handy while he was out.

“Oh, you must have skipped more meals than I realised,” Thor said.

“Shut up,” Loki said.

Otherwise put together, Loki hid himself so he could walk through the palace with something resembling dignity.

“All right,” Loki said.  “Let’s go,” he said.

As Thor grabbed him by the arm, Loki again dared to throw a glance at the girl.  He held her gaze just long enough to let her know she needed to be ready to go.  Then, he was dragged off to whatever menial tasks Odin had planned for him.

Other Updates

Meme Fills

Ours to Keep (Word Count TBD) by LokiOfSassgaard

Chapters: 7/?
Fandom: Thor, Loki (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage, Dubcon
Pairings: Loki/Sylvie
Characters: Loki, Sylvie, Thor, Angela, Odin, Frigga

Summary: After Bor’s death, the entire family manage to make it into town for the will reading. It’s only been a few months since Loki had a close call with a car accident he probably should not have survived, which only adds to the tension of having too many people in a house with not enough beds.

But the funny thing about death is it has a way of unveiling all sorts of secrets, whether or not they have anything to do with the deceased. And for Loki and Sylvie, this has the potential to be catastrophic.

Note: This fic is being posted as a kinkmeme fill.  It may get edited at a later date.

AO3 | Website

Compulsion (2,283 words) by LokiOfSassgaard

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Thor
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-con
Pairings: Loki/Sif
Characters: Loki, Sif

Summary: Loki has wanted Sif’s attention for longer than he could remember. She’s never once given it to him.

AO3 | Website

Recent Blog Posts

I'm going to do something I don't normally do
Like many people, I woke up and immediately got angry today. And then I logged into Tiltify and set up a fund raising team for several sex and reproductive health…
Finally updated my art galleries
I kinda forgot about them there, for a while, but I think I have everything moved over there? I’ve also added a new one for old art, so I can…
twitter  tumblr 

AO3 | Website | Norsekink | Past Issues


If you were forwarded this email and want to see more, subscribe here!

Unsubscribe   |   Manage your subscription   |   View online
1105D 15th Ave Longview, WA 98632
Newsletter contents ©2022, unless otherwise stated