I had an absolutely astonishing nightmare last night.  I just woke up from it about ten minutes ago, and want to get it all down because, quite frankly, holy fuck.

This one actually gets a bit graphic, so nope out now if you need to.

It started out I was back in high school, even though I graduated almost 20 years ago.  It was my high school, but it also wasn’t.  There was something very much off about it, which is also pretty common in these ones.  I was able to go to my first class, and then I looked down at my schedule for the next one and found I couldn’t read it.  Not for the usual dream shenanigans reasons.  Because some genius had printed it on green paper with a giant black palm tree in the middle, and I couldn’t read anything that was printed over the tree.

So I go to the office to have it reprinted, so I know where I’m supposed to be.  And the lady reprints it, and then puts it in an envelope.  Because she can’t hand it to me.  She has to mail it to me.  And in my dream, I’m thinking fuck, I don’t live anywhere near where I did in high school.  But okay, I can like, go there and fetch my mail from the people who live there now.  It’s like, right across from the school, so that’s easy.

So I went to go fetch my mail, except I couldn’t find the house.  Like, it wound up being way far away from the school.  At one point, I was on a school bus, sitting next to my brother, and then someone came up and kicked me out, so I went to sit up front.  And we were driving through like, this really tight, winding road, where crews were building mountains out of wood on either side of the road.  And we’re zooming through this road, and I was talking to the bus driver about trying to figure out how to move closer to the school.  My in-laws live right around the corner from the school as well, so maybe I could go stay with them, except I don’t get along with my FIL very well.

And then we can’t find the main road anymore.  The one that you turn off of to get to both the school, and my old house/my inlaws’ house.  We found where it ends, which frustrated me like crazy because I knew, in my dream, that the road does not end IRL.  That it keeps going and takes you to the next city.  But I was like, okay.  Well.  I found the “end.”  So if I keep walking, I’ll eventually get where I need to go.  Except it was all weird, and then I was back on the bus going the wrong direction again.

I woke up very briefly at this point, going “wtf was that??” and then checked the time and didn’t want to be awake that early, so I went back to sleep.  Then I was back on the bus, and she let me off at my aunt’s house, who I don’t speak to IRL.  She was there, my cousins were there, and one of my brothers.  Might have been the same brother that was on the bus.  The crowded nature of the house is important.  But this is where it went from weird to horrifying.

I got up and went to the bathroom to shave, and at one point dropped my razor.  I looked down and the blade had nicked the top of my wrist.  I use a straight razor IRL, and was using it in my dream, and was thinking wow, it’s a good thing it only nicked me.  That could have been bad.  But then it started to hurt.  Really hurt.  I looked down again, and the cut was bigger.  It wasn’t bleeding, but it was growing.  And then the skin around my wrist tore wide open, all the way around, and was only holding on where I’ve got my tattoo.  I guess even in my subconscious, my brain doesn’t want to fuck with my ink lmao.  But it was all jagged and rough, and like, way too loose.  There was also nothing at all between my skin and my bones, and I could look in there and see my skeleton moving around.

It still was not bleeding, but it was very obviously wrong.  I told my aunt that I needed a towel and for someone to call 911, and she said I’m fine, no I don’t, etc.  I managed to grab a bath towel from the laundry and kept trying to wrap it around my wrist, but nothing I did would stay.  I had my phone, but I didn’t know the address where I was, so I couldn’t call 911 myself.  I kept begging people to do it for me, all the while trying to keep pressure on whatever the hell was going on, and was just getting laughed at.  Finally one of my cousins says okay, he’ll call 911.  And then he starts dialling 1-800 numbers and acting like it’s so weird that none of them are 911.  This goes on for a while, until he says he doesn’t actually know the number for 911.  My other cousin decides to help out, and starts sending texts again, while my brother keeps telling me to stop being a baby.

One cousin finally told me the road we were on, and I was like fine, fuck you all.  I went outside, where it was pouring rain, and tried to call 911 for myself, but my socks filled up with water.  While I was fussing with that and trying to dial 911 one-handed, I thought in my dream that it was a good think I paid off my credit cards yesterday, because I’m definitely going to need them ha ha.  I finally managed to dial for an ambulance, and got put on hold, and that’s when I woke up with a headache and just flung myself out of bed in a strop.

A loss of control and agency is always one of my biggest stressors in life, and I hate being late for things.  With all of these dental appointments I’ve been having, being late for things has been a regular source of stress for me, especially since I rely on taxi cabs to get me there.  So I usually have to wake up earlier than I might want to in order to get the cab scheduled to make sure it gets here on time.  I’ve also been really unwell the last few days, constantly lizard diseasing away, which does take away my ability to control my day to a fairly significant degree.

It’s weird, because usually these dreams feature my mother, so I’m not sure why it was my aunt this time.  But the whole thing was very much me trying to do something on time while having no control over the situation around me.

But I must have like, tweaked my wrist in my sleep to make my brain suddenly think “omg my hand’s falling off!”  That’s the only thing I can really think of for whatever the hell that was.